She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
