people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
