There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
