hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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