We won't sleep together?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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