Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
