i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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