I heard we made out
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sext me about skeletons
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
