I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
