Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
