I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
honey bunches of taint.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
