I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
