Betty ford says i'm here all night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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