Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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