Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
