mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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