he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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