mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize