When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
