At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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