i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
