Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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