It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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