guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
