Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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