True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
