Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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