Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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