worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
