Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
