My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
