Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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