So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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