I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
