Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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