i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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