The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
