She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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