i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
