I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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