yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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