I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
