she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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