I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone signed my nipple.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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