so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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