I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you would pick up someone in the library
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
