Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
