u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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