I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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