my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
