margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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