i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
