I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
