You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
