At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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