She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
