i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
