At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my poor anus
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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