The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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