There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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