So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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