Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
