for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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