Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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