ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
