I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
