you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
