I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
