Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
