idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
