the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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