I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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