ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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